@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(
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@rorynotroy: if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy
@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@QueefTornado: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.