@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(
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@Vodkantots: Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that's been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11.
@I_Bl33d_Purple: If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood.
@TheBeerGuy73: Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all. Then I thought of you.
@hazelmotes1: You literally misuse the word "literally" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally.