@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(
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@GibJimson: Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs? Me: You mean like the band?
@Darlainky: I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I've no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I'll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
@Thedudish: My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I'm clearing out my desk
@krismuscookie: *With only office supplies, she diffuses the bomb with 1 second to spare* Boss: What are you doing? Me: *shoves action figures in desk.*