@SocialExtortion: It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them
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@SamGrittner: Whenever someone's robbing my house, I pretend I'm robbing it too then I make off with as much of my stuff as possible.
@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
@Mr_Kapowski: [press session regarding increase in shark bites] Reporter: Are there more attacks in one area? Scientist: [lips against mic] In the water