@mrtimlong: It's called a "Monte Cristo" sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge
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@KeetPotato: [on phone to gf] her: "you never understand me anymore so.." me: "so what?" her: "we're breaking up" me: "i can hear you fine"
@autocorrects: You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.