@PaperWash: What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
@BoutCrazed: "I'm frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat" is what I said.
"You're also gonna be helping me move my piano" is what I meant.
@markleggett: HOBBIES INCLUDE:
- Whispering dark secrets to animals
- Trying to get a strawberry seed out of my teeth
- Being vegan, but also eating steak
@krishna_van: Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it.
@truegritrumble: KID: *is crying over school drama*
ME: Don’t worry, kid. All this anxiety and insecurity will diminish as you get older-
KID: *smiles hopefully up at me*
ME: and turn into an ominous fear that’ll follow you to the grave.
COMMENTS