@iMikosnyc: It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
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@hilariouswifey: I don't always look at my phone at a red light; but when I do, I look up to see a cop right beside me.
@joshgondelman: Why do they call it "buckling a cranky baby into a car seat" and not "fasten the furious?" (Is it still okay to do these given politics?)
@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving