@envydatropic: It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated
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@frogpissmouth: [punches shark on the nose[ shark: that wont stop me me: are u crying shark: no its always wet & salty on my face
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks.
@SortaBad: *walks into library* "Excuse me, where are your books about asking librarians out on dates?"
@PortRooster: Buddy of mine dropped some acid... Burnt a hole in the floor... He was tripping for days!