@TheMichaelRock: It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.
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@ReeseButCallMeV: Boss: How come I don't see you doing any work? Me: Because you have no imagination!
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too
@jewfacekilla: Him: Would you like to have lunch sometime? Me: I like to have lunch every afternoon.
@FilthyRichmond: Pregnant women go through a "nesting" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed.