@TheMichaelRock: It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.
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@SteveKoehler22: Our credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it .... The thief is spending less than my wife did.
@Sassafrantz: [texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident.
@MaraWilson: How confused about the world are you right now, on a scale of 0 to "trying to figure out a friend's shower"