@TheMichaelRock: It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.
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@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...
@BMcCarthy32: if one member of the motorcycle gang has to pee do they all stop or does he just have to catch back up?
@HomeProbably: This strange woman won't stop talking to me so I'm going to stare at her eyebrows until she gets paranoid and leaves me alone.