@shegotagronk: It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's "creepy" and "sir, you're under arrest"
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@shkeeber: Dating must've been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many.
@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.