@BradBroaddus: It's hard to tweet and change the baby's diaper at the same time.nnI probably should have waited until I got to a red light.
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@metafroth: How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
@SteveSuckington: I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I'm the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
@QwertyJones3: "You're never going to believe this, but my doctor just told me I've got a protein deficiency." "No whey!"