@BradBroaddus: It's hard to tweet and change the baby's diaper at the same time.nnI probably should have waited until I got to a red light.
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@HatfieldAnne: Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK.
@minfiliawarde: me: hi english person: you mean you don't have SNELLYDORF HUFFLEDAMS? WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR BROOKENSHIRES me: Aight man have a good day
@truegritrumble: DATE: Do you like sports? ME: *nervously* Sure. DATE: What's your favorite sport? ME: *panicking* Panicking.
@thenatewolf: Hello, I'm a bird, I survived since dinosaurs roamed the earth but windows are too much for me to figure out.