@KalvinMacleod: It's important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
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@HatfieldAnne: “As the crow flies” means something entirely different when it's “in your living room” and you are “hiding in the closet with your cat.”
@rolldiggity: "I don't know where this rumor started, but Company and I are just good friends." -Misery
@nowarranty: If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.