@WilliamAder: It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
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@VerifiedJayy: My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy
@AKcrazy18: When a Nokia phone warns you about low battery, you have at least 1 month to find where the charger is lying in your house.
@LemmingDad: When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they're saying the names of Ikea furniture.
@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.