@INeed_AnAdult: It's kinda like i'm a shopaholic but with alcohol instead of clothes.
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@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.
@ipalatsky: Old superstition: When wife laughs at your jokes: It means you have guests in the house.
@Kyle_Lippert: [A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married
@adamochoa: freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door