@Illiter8: It's like my dad always said, "How did you get this number?!"
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@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.
@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.