@Illiter8: It's like my dad always said, "How did you get this number?!"
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@peachesanscream: Doctor: "You have a blockage in your small & large intestine" Barista: … Barista: … Doctor: *Sigh* "Ok, Tall & Venti intestine."
@Thynebear: [on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? "Tell me why." [winks at tattoo artist] No reason.
@HiddleDeeDee: The only thing worse than my kids talking Minecraft, is my kids watching videos of people talking Minecraft.