@lilgapeach30: It's like my daddy always says...if you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten.
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@Marlebean: My kids are so sweet! Even if they wake up early, they'll destroy the house quietly so I can still rest.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!
@trumpetcake: My new coloring book, How To Tell The Woman You Love You've Been Living In Her Shrubs For A Year, comes out on tUESsdhay martha i love you