@jergarl: It's like my Grandpa used to say ,"The fight with grandma isn't over until I fill her pillow with spiders and she gives me back my teeth."
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@SteveCarell: Flight attendant:"Would you like the chicken or the pasta?" Me:"What would you suggest?" Flight Attendant:"Eat before you get on the plane."
@Donna_McCoy: If your family goes to church on Christmas morning, be grateful. This may be your only chance to lock them out of the house.
@tylerschmall: "Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria." "What's Updog?" "[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: The human brain isn't able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button.