@Darlainky: It's like my whole life is just one horrendous karaoke song choice after another.
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@AnitaHelmet: Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?
@gf3: me: i'm here for stabbing lessons clerk: sir this is a fencing clu— me: yeah whatever hand me a knife clerk: … me: dress me like a beekeeper
@djdarrellripley: Me: Who could that be? It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock? Me: It depends on how they were raised...
@shutupmikeginn: Just saw an eagle swoop down and pick up a baby bunny, so cute when animals are friends!