@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: (Sigh) There she is. Him: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her. Me: Yea, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!
@daliamalek: Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it's justified.
@WorIdComedy: mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops
@KalvinMacleod: WORM: Why do caterpillars think they are better than us? OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*