@RidiculousSheri: The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security.

@dave_cactus: *sees a truck* Nice. *sees a trucker* Oh, impressive. *sees a truckest* Ah yes. This is what I came for.

@DurtMcHurtt: When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately.

@longwall26: "Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."

@sacha_is_good: "I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.