@MartaEffing: This gym's proximity to three fast food joints is both troubling and comforting.
@WheelTod: I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo.
@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.
@LlamaInaTux: (A world where everyone is named Bethany)
Bethany: what should we name our child?
Bethany: Bethany
@KeetPotato: reporter: "what inspired your theory of gravity"
isaac newton: "i fell off the toil-"
agent: [leans into mic] "an apple hit him on the head"
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