@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
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@KevinFarzad: Why would you name your human child Hunter? Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist.
@SamuelMoen: Impress your date. Be wild. Flip the table. Flip it 360 so its upright again & nothing has moved except a roll that has flown into her mouth
@thesarahthing: "I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were driving your truck around the Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."
@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.