@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
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@splegge: Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
@LackOfShame: Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home.
@michaelianblack: Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass.
@TheWoodenslurpy: I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?