@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
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@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"
@behindyourback: If you suddenly stand up and shout "IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE" you can walk out of work and not come back and no one will even ask about it.