@TheMichaelRock: It's not really a random act of kindness if you planned it, photographed it, and posted it to social media.
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@notacroc: [dinner table] SHARK: i got the promotion SHARK WIFE: are you lead sharkitect now? SHARK: *pushes plate away* my career isn't a joke, Sharon
@DiamondLou69: My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.