@shawnspree: It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head.
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@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@KyleMcDowell86: I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna
@alienated: PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves
@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."