@shawnspree: It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head.
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@TheAlexNevil: I gave a man a fish. I taught a man to fish. Fish aren't all that happy with me right now.
@AnitaHelmet: Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
@TheIronSherk: My girl has been eating a lot of Mexican fast food and gaining tons of weight lately, but I'll never stop loving her She's my Taco Belle
@KattsDogma: [New Job Diary] Day 1: They all seem very ni-SOMEONE TOOK MY LUNCH MY LUNCH IS GONE SOMEONE STOLE MY-oh wait nvm there it i-MY STAPLERS GONE