@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that people use only 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.
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@ArfMeasures: CYCLOPS: How do u spell Hawaii? WIFE [biting lip] well..u need 2 i's CYCLOPS [puts pen down] my life is just a joke to u isn't it Linda
@decentbirthday: [camping] me: why can't i find any animals wife: the wildlife is very conservative here deer: climate change is a myth
@MattyIceUS: So #Scaramucci lands a job, gets his boss fired, has a baby, gets a divorce, and is fired in the same week? Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."