@bourgeoisalien: It’s OK, batteries...no one includes me either.
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@StinkyGr33n: What's the past tense of "wake & bake"? "Woke and boke"? "Awake and baked"? "Awakened and baconed"? Whatever it is, I'm that
@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.
@Book_Krazy: ME: I'd like to order...the updog. WAITER: How would u like that prepared? ME: um medium well? W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done
@KalvinMacleod: MILEY CYRUS: I never went boatin’ and don’t get how they be floatin’ NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: [slowly rising from the ocean] buoyancy