@bourgeoisalien: It’s OK, batteries...no one includes me either.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: what’s going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven’t had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing
@MrAaronAbrams: I don't get why I'm supposed to like someone who's different in the streets and in the sheets sounds duplicitous just be a freak everywhere.
@iwearaonesie: What’s the age limit for saying, “Look how big you got!” because I said it to my mother-in-law and she hasn’t looked at me since