@ehdannyboy: i have good and bad news
Wife: Ok, the bad news?
i didn't clean out the garage
Wife:*sigh* the good news?
[holds up cat dressed as Thor]
@ShanaRose21: My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.
@LukewSavage: The Onion called it...again.
@TheMichaelRock: It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.
@DaddyJew: Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success
Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine
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