@LetMeStart: It's only fair that if the TSA should ban over 3oz of liquid carried on a person, they should also ban a person wearing over 3oz of cologne.
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@mattr_in_nc: Contrary to popular belief, tigers do not holler if you catch them by the toe. Also, could someone call an ambulance?
@KingRainhead: I thought "ghosting" was when you slowly tricked someone you didn't like into thinking their apartment was haunted until they moved far away
@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."
@causticbob: Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.