@AllisulliOTProf: It's only Ultimate Frisbee if someone dies
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@PaperWash: Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say "I love you" and "I hate you" at the same time
@heyevergreen: [showing colleague a pic on phone] "NO! Don't scroll left!" My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates.
@LeBearGirdle: God: okay so manatees, no necks on them, like wet potatoes Angel: yes sir, and what shall I do with all the excess necks? God: *smiles and looks over at the giraffe* YOU! Angel: sir pls, he can't possibly have al- God: ALL THE NECKS!