@AllisulliOTProf: It's only Ultimate Frisbee if someone dies
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@XGibbons: Lifeguard 1: How was your day? Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad? 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
@WilliamAder: I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!
@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@AlanFelyk: I like to write "made you look" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots.