@JasonLastname: It's sad your dad left but it could be way worse. What if, instead, you kept getting dads? Every day, until your house was packed with dads.
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@revenge_tanukis: It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why did they call it 'Rambo: First Blood Part 2' instead of 'Rambo: Second Blood'? That's some bullshit right there.
@jordan_stratton: SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?
@robfee: I don't want a Hot Pocket. I'd rather have a pocket with a nice sense of humor & a pleasant personality.