@JasonLastname: It's sad your dad left but it could be way worse. What if, instead, you kept getting dads? Every day, until your house was packed with dads.
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@QwertyJones3: My excitement about your Indian food is largely dependent on your pronunciation of "cumin".
@jenyb4: Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store.
@kevinrowe1: Take it from me. Your wife will not like it if you say, "My twitter girls would do that"
@MazMHussain: Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.