@JasonLastname: It's sad your dad left but it could be way worse. What if, instead, you kept getting dads? Every day, until your house was packed with dads.
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@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
@Reel2Dialog2: [playing poker] "I'm all in" *slowly pushes a half-eaten burrito and a cat to middle of the table*
@realHamOnWry: My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.
@TheMichaelRock: The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.