@living_marble: It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six.
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@OfficeofSteve: when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..
@JosesLovesYou: Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
@Papa_Mex: Me? Yes, of course I have feelings! Last Sunday, for example, I dropped a piece of bacon on the floor. I just stared and cried for 18 mins
@david8hughes: The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, "Where is the water main?" so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."