@living_marble: It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six.
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@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
@BigHeb7: My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover
@Asbo_Unicorn: It is better to have loved and lost than have your face ripped off by a chimpanzee