@living_marble: It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six.
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@AndyAsAdjective: I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
@Cheeseboy22: I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, "I like your haircut", I can respond with, "Thanks. Here, have some."
@StephenBCramer: The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try.