@living_marble: It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six.
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@jimmytorosian: A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
@thepunningman: Me: Sorry, my son spilled the water Waiter: No problem, I'll get you a new one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports