@robyn_vo: It's so annoying when attractive people say they're ugly just to get compliments from people, ugh if I weren't so ugly I'd do the same thing
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@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...
@markhoppus: For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks.
@doktorj: Me: *pooping with the door open* Olive Garden Mgr: "I know what the slogan says ma'am, we aren't THAT kind of family."