@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(
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@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]
@SexySillyGrl: Your honor, I second that motion Judge: Ma'am, I'm simply reading your husband's request to be cremated
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, "You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store".