@darrinfb: It's so hot outside I almost called my ex over so I could stand by something shady.
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@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
@AngelaEhh: Fitness friend: Do you know what you're putting in your body? *flashes back to ex *shudders
@Fickle_Filly: The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief: - denial - anger - strong language - moderate violence - a lifetime ban from Toys R Us
@INDlAN_: [describing robbers to sketch artist] Make his ears more lethargic. That’s better, now flare his nostrils like he’s excited about a sale.