@darrinfb: It's so hot outside I almost called my ex over so I could stand by something shady.
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@Robinbuble: Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.
@iFluff8: Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance.
@GloriaFallon123: You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.