@Robert_Beau: It's so hot today I went to see the ex just for the cold shoulder and icy stare.
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@KattsDogma: I like my eggs like I like my nose: runny. Wait. That's not right. I like my eggs like I like my tigers: poached. Huh? No! I like my eggs li
@Jesusontwittorr: To all those telling me this account is a sin - Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later
@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing
@tornebrook: I used to think it would be cool to be able to read other people's minds. Then I joined Twitter and got over that real quick.