@angeliav68: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside...
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@llvvzz: You're psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.
@MrFornicator: I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color.
@WPLGLocal10: Man arrested after accidentally texting probation officer asking if he had any weed
@AndyAsAdjective: I'm extremely good at being so close to getting a prediction right. I'm like an Almostradamus.