@Tw1tter_K1tten: It's weird that on this date in Back to the Future they didn't show people incessantly posting about Back to the Future.
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@ZachWeiner: Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she'll be about 3 million years old.
@Mikecanrant: Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
@TheAlexNevil: If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent.