@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko
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@badbanana: Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
@Bizarro_Mark: My parents haven't called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.
@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."