@tkhan74: I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.
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@UNTRESOR: You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,
@JohnsonDiaz21: A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@SortaSarcastic: 90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math.