@spcycucumber: I've been eating this memory foam for weeks now and I can't even remember why I'm still eating memory foam
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@whatmaddness: GOD: u get powers for one day and this is what u do? [every animal now has a startle reaction like a pufferfish] [an obese tiger rolls by]
@fro_vo: Friend: what are u doing Me: training my pet rock Friend: that's dumb Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face* Me: no rocky, no
@GaryJanetti: Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.