@truegritrumble: I've been kicked out of my gym for dressing like the grim reaper and standing silently behind people on treadmills.
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@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.
@Schmoodles: Toaster settings: No.1: "I do nothing." No.2: "I do nothing." No.3: "I do nothing." No.4: "I SET BREAD ON FIRE!"