@1Happytwit: I've been looking for the lid for this Tupperware container and somehow I'm now three weeks late for work.
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@G_Faylor: an apple drops from a tree and hits me perfectly in the head but i don't act like some big science guy
@bornmiserable: [me, taking a drug test at work] the company didn't specify which drugs we had to take to prepare for this, so I took them all
@KentWGraham: The movie scene where discarded clothes lead to lovers in bed, except it’s my clothes leading to my wife picking them up and cursing me.