@jrogasm: I've been on a diet for a month and I've lost exactly 4 weeks.
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@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
@ericsshadow: SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@senderblock23: No, I said I wanted to BING you on my kitchen counter. You know, the popular search engine?
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"