@jrogasm: I've been on a diet for a month and I've lost exactly 4 weeks.
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@PyrBliss: I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
@blade_funner: Me: WHOOMP! there it is. Detective: Please stop saying that every time you find a clue.
@djdarrellripley: My online therapist says you can't live your life in fear....He also sells shampoo.
@Smooheed: Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterwards