@shkeeber: I've been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops.
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@daemonic3: "Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?" ME: No, you're still grounded "No fair!" ME: Yes, that's what I said
@TheTweetOfGod: Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it.
@Emma_HumbleBea: When my cat has an accident on the carpet, he hides to escape responsibility. It's a, "shit and run".