@PuncherJetpack: I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground
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@carlyken: Just remember, every time someone misuses the word "epic" Zooey Deschanel covers another Smiths song on her ukulele.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep
@EJGomez: me: grandma u cant believe every article on facebook also me:[reads thread on twitter] ok avril lavigne has definitely been dead since 2003