@Pro_Jones_: I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote "never change" in my middle school year book.
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@PaperWash: [Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU "Uh oh" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 "Haha nice!"
@AnOrangeSNES: My password is Superman Hulk Thor Goku, that's the strongest password I can think of.
@david8hughes: Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident.
@lisaxy424: "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon.