@Pro_Jones_: I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote "never change" in my middle school year book.
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@imteddybless: when i tell guys i want a baby i just assume they kno i don't mean a human one. i want a baby antelope, a baby hedgehog, a baby lizard
@AbbyHasIssues: I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table.
@WheelTod: Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army.
@Stellacopter: Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with "two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips."