@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.
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@JPHaddadio: My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature.
@Rollinintheseat: When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there.