@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.
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@BK_Blonde: I can't imagine why more guys don't do yoga. 1. Yoga pants 2. Lots of girls 3. Lots of girls in yoga pants doing yoga moves
@Moemontes: My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet.
@JRehling: The FAA has shut down airspace over Ferguson, which must be to stop the problem of people rioting and looting in the sky. #FergusonDecision