@goodhairperson: I've decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat "celebration of life" shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides
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@bees_wingz: No, no, I didn't need to talk to a customer service representative, thanks. I just wanted to hear some terrible music.
@kumailn: "Count down to zero silently with your fingers and then do a fist pump." - SWAT manual on breaking down doors
@Book_Krazy: WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.