@AbbyHasIssues: I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Brampersandon_: [meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands
@aeharder: The efficient part about falling asleep on the toilet at work is that inevitably someone who had beans for lunch will come and wake you.
@WorkaholicBlake: There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable
@TheRolo: [At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"