@Tups13: I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday
@rablivingstone: Learn how to read a book again simply by sticking a twitter Avi alongside every paragraph.......
@POTerritory: Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.
@EJGomez: dating tip: do NOT kiss their dad on the first date to establish dominance. wait until at least the second date. he will respect you more