@pattioshankable: I've discovered the best way to punish 17, is to put on the same outfit as her, then follow her around all day yelling out "TWINSIES!"
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@thentherewasmo: I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well
@TheToddWilliams: Cop: First name please... "Frida" Cop: Last name... "Gomam" Cop: You're Frida Gomam? *peels out* Cop: Nice, nice
@Not_From_Troy: When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
@ItsLaTourette: I heard girls like guys that are mysterious so I just put a fog machine under my bed