@pattioshankable: I've discovered the best way to punish 17, is to put on the same outfit as her, then follow her around all day yelling out "TWINSIES!"
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@Donna_McCoy: There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince a narcissist that you don't like them.
@sweet_pea707: *interview* So, why do you want to be a judge? *Imagines myself going work everyday in my robe* "To fight crime"
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider
@roostermustache: Kid: help my cat's stuck in a tree can you save him Me: of course little girl *throws bible at cat* do you accept jesus as your lord