@CelebrityChez: I've found that it's almost impossible to explain to a stranger why you are following them around trying to put egg rolls in their pockets.
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@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@robfee: I think the Ice Bucket Challenge is a giant waste of water *falls asleep in the shower for 2 hours*
@AudreyPorne: him: what do u wanna be? me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?