@lloydrang: I've found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.
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@pixelatedboat: "We're out of options, I'll have to use the jetpack," I said, strapping on the jetpack and ignoring many non-jetpack options still available
@FancyNancyAnn: I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.
@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.