@lloydrang: I've found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.
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@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, I don't feel good." "Do you want to go see the doctor?" "Yeah." "Are you gonna throw up?" "Maybe." "OK. We'll take your mom's car."
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.
@BuckyIsotope: Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?