@CPajamaShark: I've got this great joke where I kidnap people's sticker families and leave little post-it ransom notes. Adorable or horrifying? You decide
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@Coastiefish: My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device in Florida. I call it "No air conditioning".
@HatfieldAnne: Me: I weigh 10x more than the cat and yet she trusts me completely. So sweet. You: Me: You: It’s a lot more than 10x. Me: Don’t ruin this.
@Izianikapani: Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.
@XplodingUnicorn: [5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments? 5: You want me to sleep on the couch?